even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
Randomize
