sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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