I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
Randomize
