Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
