Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
Randomize
