I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Randomize
