so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
