i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
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