exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize
