Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
Randomize
