Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
Randomize