So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
