His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
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