dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Randomize