I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
Randomize
