Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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