There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
NoShamevember. You game?
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
Randomize
