is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Randomize
