jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
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