I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
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