absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
