people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
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