Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
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