This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
