we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Randomize
