May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
