He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
last night I used snow as a chaser
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
