I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
so much tequila, so little girl.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
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