I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
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