you guys were way drunker than both of me
so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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