i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
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