you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
Randomize
