Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
