WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
