Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize
