Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
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