I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
Randomize