too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
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