Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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