he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
