new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize