Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Randomize
