I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
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