I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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