you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
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