i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
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