Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Randomize
