I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
Randomize
