It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
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