Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
