smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
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