I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
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