I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
Pants are for mortals
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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