I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Randomize
