I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
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