You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
Randomize
