obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
Randomize
