I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
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