i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Randomize
