I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
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