May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
