dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
