DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
