Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
