I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
Randomize
