I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
