The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
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