worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
Randomize
