i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Randomize
