yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
