She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Randomize
