You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Randomize
