Please, let me fuck your mom
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Randomize
