Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Randomize
