So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
I think i got beer on your cat.
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