Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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