see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
Randomize
