Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
